the daily battle

This article in Brain, Child magazine has provoked a few homeschooling mothers to write posts about the author's use of the term "excessive mothering." I wanted to write more about the very real daily battles that occur over schooling.

No, I don't have to wake my children up at the crack of dawn to get dressed, eat, gather their backpacks, and be standing at the curb at 7:30am for the bus. No, I don't have to spend all evening cramming in hours of homework while simultaneously cleaning the supper dishes and giving baths to babies. I don't have to argue, "I'm not buying you the latest IPod or sneakers, or whatever, so you can 'fit in'."

But I do have to cajole them endlessly to perform the same 5 tasks every morning before we even begin our work: eat, get dressed, brush hair and teeth, and make the bed. School seems to drag on forever and it always seems to be a different subject that needs extra encouragement and more motivation. Today it was Mary's handwriting- she recently started cursive and can't seem to find the beauty in the curves and swoops that Will loves. Often I have to stand over Will listening to him practice his piano pieces, "Play it again, and again, and again until it is perfect." There is also the daily grind of how to keep three little ones quiet long enough to get some education accomplished. And with 5 little ones in the house who can't help but whine, fuss, bicker,and fight I often feel like needing a time-out, perhaps on a deserted island.

All homeschooling moms have their strengths and weaknesses. I really admire moms who organize unit studies and actually pull it off. I ask prayers from those moms who can manage to get all 8 of their kids praying the rosary every night after dinner. I laugh aloud everytime I hear some mother say, "I could never homeschool, I don't have the patience." Neither do I. My only strengths are organization and pure perseverance, I won't let us fall behind or give up. I will fight the battle to give my children the best education I can give them because their souls and minds are worth it.

"Most homeschooling books never speak of these tensions--the power struggles and resentments and irrational moments of fury that emerge in any family, however loving. ...Reading them, one would think that homeschooling is an endlessly rosy enterprise, filled with brilliant, cooperative children well on their way to the Ivy League. In all my reading I never found a book that addressed what I feared most--the battles. ...whether the subject was dragons or fractions, the result was always the same. If I was not nearby to push and prod and cheer, Julia would muddle through her tasks at the pace of an aging sloth.

One afternoon at our public library I described my concerns to a seasoned homeschooler, a teacher-certified mother with an advanced degree in early education. I expected her to tell me what I was doing wrong. Instead, she sadly shook her head: "That's the story of my life."

The more mothers I queried, the more confessions I heard. Many moms had similar trouble keeping their young learners on track, and the relentless foot-dragging sometimes drove the parents crazy...

In my darkest moments I was glad that my homeschooling was limited to one year. That light at the end of the tunnel served as my guiding star. But when the light expanded into the sunshine of mid-June, I felt surprisingly sad.

Julia and I had grown closer through our moments of triumph and anger. She had read and written and calculated more than ever before in the public schools. And now that she has entered a conventional middle school, and is once again oppressed by the combination of piles of homework, little fresh air (no recess in middle school) and endless multiple choice tests (multiple choice is the greatest sign of the failure of American education), she often grows nostalgic."