dear doctor

Yesterday I filled out a new patient form at the Family Practice clinic which contained all sorts of odd questions, some of which I would like to share. Nothing too personal, mind you...

Are you happy with your weight?

No. After 2 weeks of stuffing my face with Doritos and Krispy Kreme doughnuts to fill my emotional ache and not being able to run off the calories for a month, I have gained 6 pounds. While some of the larger sizes allow for more pounds between sizes, there is only about a 5 pound difference between size 6 and 8. I am now pushing into the size 10 range. I am definitely not happy with that.

What was your weight when you were 21?

105. What on earth does how much I weighed 15 years ago, and will never come close to again, have to do with my health now??

Are you under stress?

Let's see. My mother, my best friend just passed away, I have 5 small children, I homeschool, and I can't even find the grocery store without help from MapQuest. All of these induce high stress, especially since the job offers no pay and no time off.

When was the last time you were happy?

Today. With all these children there is always some reason to smile, a reason to laugh every hour, a reason everyday to hoot and giggle and snort like a pig.