These days I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. We have started a new 9 weeks and the books are stacked on the table in 3 neat piles, an sight that will lead to much wailing and gnashing of teeth after the kid's little vacation. Parts of the house look like a bomb exploded with toys and books strewn everywhere. I could spend an hour picking it all up before the children awake, but it would return to the same state an hour after breakfast. I'll let them pick it up later. But the big issue is that Tim has recently switched rotations and instead of slaving away 12 hours a day, he is now writing mostly from home. I like running together in the afternoons and having dinner at a decent hour, but the change has thrown my schedule and autonomy out the window. If I leave the dishes in the sink for Mary to wash or spend more than 10 minutes on the computer I can sense his disapproval. He doesn't understand that one of the few indulgences of being a stay at home mom is the independence. I don't get to go shopping and "lunch" with the girls. But if an activity is in the house or involves the children then I don't see the problem of letting the laundry wait. I feel a bit stifled. It reminds me of when Tim came back from deployment. I was thrilled to see my best friend, my love, but the balance between the responsibility of caring for 3 children for 9 months alone and the freedom of eating chocolate for breakfast was upset. I had another adult to talk with and help with bathtime, but had to give up reading in bed until midnight.
Marriage is a slow dance between two people. There are lots of stepped-on toes at first, even doing the box step. As the dance gets more complex the couple has had enough practice to even attempt a few dips without falling. Finally by the end of life are they able to smoothly glide with perfect form. The trick is being more concerned about your partner than yourself. I'm trying to do that, which is why I haven't been posting much.
Let's dance!
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2 comments:
Wow, you hit the nail on the head!
My husband is in construction, so if it rains he's often home and our day gets sooo messed up. I can see now that it is because I feel pressured to things the "perfect wife" way instead of my way.
Instead of doing school the way we always do it, I start trying to school the way *I* think *he* wants me to do it (like he actually cares that much). I feel guilty for being on the computer when the dishwasher is unloaded - even though our routine is I blog and surf between about 8 and 9 am, while the kids do their morning chores.
Apparently, I'm not as mature as I thought.
Milehimama, my husband does drywall and has odd days off as well. Fortunately, we have the same outlook of "the house" and agree on the priorities. He knows enough that if it isn't "chore time" and the kids are doing schoolwork, the schoolwork comes first. We have three times a day set aside for picking up the house...after each meal.. so there are three times a day the sink will get emptied, the floors will get swept, toys will get picked up, etc. I, too, feel somewhat guilty sitting on the computer while a child is wiping the table, etc., but I also realize my "chore" times don't always coincide with theirs so there are plenty of times, and I prefer it actually, when the kids are playing and I am folding, mopping, etc.
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